What's Love Got to Do With It?

Everything!!

Valentine's Day is coming. I dare say, a dreaded holiday for many. If you are single, your dating status may feel a little more highlighted on this day. If you are in a long term relationship, you are likely irritated that your $20 grocery store flowers are now $100 or you feel the pressure to pick out the perfect gift to signify your love. There's also the awkwardness of what to do with that budding new romance, the challenge to find the sweet spot of gift giving, not too much, not too little, the just right gift. I'm truly not a fan of this holiday. The best part for me used to be receiving the cheap assorted chocolates in the red heart shaped box (orange cream and strawberry creme where my favorite), but since migraines have robbed me of my indulgence of chocolate, I see no point in celebrating!

This morning I was reading a devotion about love and I must say I was inspired. The gist of the reading was that love conquers all! That's a bold statement and I believe it could be true, but in my world, the kind of love they speak of is easier said than done. Sure, I can love the snuggly infant, puppy, or kitten but I have been known to say that I don't like, or love, kids, dogs, or cats. I jest of course but do I really? I love them when they are cute and cuddly but when it's inconvenient or messy do I still love? How about loving unconditionally the husband of 22+ years when we have gone through decades of messy? Umm, not so easy. Again, it's easy to love in those first few months of dating bliss but what happens when life is no longer a romance novel and begins to resemble a Lifetime movie? I guess this is where I am to apply the "love conquers all" statement, but how? The answer to this question is what I seek.

Unconditional love is something that often escapes me. I truly feel like the act of love is easier for some than others. I don't know why this is. I guess we could say it is based on life experiences but whatever the reason, some seem to love with greater ease than others. One friend comes to mind every time I think of love. She has a quiet spirit and demeanor about her but she loves fiercely, especially her family. She serves them with unending joy often sacrificing her own desires. I have always been in awe of her ability to love and to serve and to do so with a happy heart.

My prayer today was that I may learn to love like this, meaning to love without expectation, to just simply love. I strive to allow pure, selfless love for another to penetrate all the barriers that may exist. I have come to realize that I love conditionally, with the exception of my children. My long standing "condition" has been that I will love you until you hurt me. Once I am hurt, the aforementioned walls (previous post) are erected, and if it is possible I will cut off the relationship completely or cut off my heart to the relationship to prevent any future hurts. I will try to deny it to myself that I have been hurt at all and will pretend that everything is ok, that the severed relationship really didn't matter. All this leaves me with is unhealed wounds and a graveyard of severed relationships. When hurt, I also typically respond with a healthy dose of spite. I can remember my mother saying to me when I was young, "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!" I doubt this shared wisdom changed my mind, but that saying always stuck with me.

Hurt is a guaranteed ingredient in relationships; it's bound to happen whether intentional or unintentional. I'm learning to not run from the hurt. I'm learning to not only love the offender through the hurt but to allow others to love me through it. God gave me a heart full of compassion and love yet I have lived most of my life guarded, trying to protect my heart from being hurt. I'm hopeful that I can learn to open my heart and live as God intended by loving others unconditionally. Rather than responding to a situation with indifference or spite, I am hopeful to be able to respond in love.

The greatest example of this kind of love is of course God and His love for us. "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." -1 John 4:16

God willingly gave up His one and only son to die a criminal's death to offer ALL eternal life with Him in Heaven. He did this knowing that some would not accept the free gift He offers. To love like this seems an impossible task but I want to trust God with my heart. To love like this would of course make me vulnerable to hurt, but if I truly trust Him with my heart, then what do I have to fear? He is in control of all things and can take my heart, the shattered pieces that I have referenced in previous posts, and He can make it whole; He can make me whole. He can and will take the shattered pieces of a broken heart and make something beautiful.

The 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians gives us a guide on how to love another. To summarize, it says that basically everything is useless without love. Our gifts, talents, faith, generosity, they all mean nothing if we have no love. It goes on to describe in verses 4-7 what love is and what it is not: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

I have likely read through these verses many times but to really read them and absorb them is impactful. If we could apply this kind of love in all of our relationships, I truly believe that love could conquer all!

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

-1 Corinthians 13:13