What Is It With the One?

I have to watch myself. My mind is a busy, busy place and things can go awry very quickly. I have to be mindful of my thoughts. This manifests in many different ways for me. A simple example is through a social media post or even the publishing of this blog. Everyone has been overwhelmingly supportive and over 100 people have signed up to follow this ordinary girl but last night I found myself thinking of the one. The one that was missing. The one that I cared enough about to notice that they were missing. There was no “like”, no “good job” or “good luck”, only absolute silence. The silence was deafening yet it wasn’t because it had my mind going crazy; “Why wouldn’t they support me?”, “I thought we were friends.”, “Did I say something wrong?”

The truth is that it is foolish to focus on the one. This is how we lose our joy and our sense of satisfaction. I had to stop the obsessive thoughts over the one and concentrate on the hundreds who have shown up and have supported me. Those who have walked beside me on this journey and cheered me on. Those who have dried my tears as my heart has been shredded. Those who made me “push the damn button” (her words not mine but in full transparency, I might have said worse).

Surely, I am not alone in thinking this way. It may not be social media that gets you going but maybe it’s the relative that didn’t show up to Christmas dinner or the friend who didn’t attend your party. Do you also focus on the one who is missing rather than those who are present? The battle is always in the mind. We have to control our thoughts so that they don’t get us off the rails and into the crazy. Oftentimes the thoughts we are having are minuscule in reality. In my 47 years I have learned a few things: I cannot control others, I can only control myself and what is important to me is often not important to others, and I cannot impose an expected response on others.

Until my recent marital issues, I didn’t realize just how powerful the mind could be. I learned a lot in those two years about my thoughts and how the thoughts control the heart. Maybe you have never been in a state where your heart conflicted with what you knew God wanted for you but I have. I would like to save you the trouble of going on that journey yourself because I am here to tell you it is brutal. I have never felt so much love and pain all tangled into one. I truly didn’t know it was possible. This is a journey that isn’t over yet but I’m getting there. I no longer cry everyday but there were months that I did, all because I let my mind and my heart lead me astray.

I finally figured out why God tells us to “...take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” -2 Corinthians 10:5. The thoughts that have us focusing on the one may not lead us into sin specifically but they can steal our joy. They can keep us in a state of dissatisfaction and always wanting more. Satan’s battleground is in our minds. If he can keep us focused on the one or on the longings we think our heart wants, then he wins. Of course he doesn’t win the end game of our salvation, that is sealed with the blood of Jesus, but he wins at keeping us in a state of discontent. In this state we are not emotionally available for those who need us; for those who need Jesus.

I’m proud to say I have come a long way in controlling my thoughts. I am not completely cured and never will be but I choose not to dwell there, not to dwell on the negative. I don’t dwell on what I cannot control. I may visit the place of focusing on the one but that is not where I choose to land. I will land focusing on the blessings, the purpose, the tribe that supports me and loves me, flaws and all!

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

-Isaiah 26:3

Above all else, I do trust!