Words

It's been a good solid minute since I opened up the website to create this blog post. The cursor is just blinking at me. The title to me is clear, "Words", but what is meant to come next...I'm not quite sure. Maybe if I just keep typing, it will become more clear.

There is a bit of a let down post holiday festivities. Does anyone else feel that? The decor is all down and put away, all of the gatherings have ceased. All the food is healthy again. The kiddos have gone back to their homes away from home and here I sit unsure of what to do next.

Oh, there's plenty of tasking I could do. There are dirty dishes in the sink, there's a pile of laundry to my right (it's been there for two days), and there's more laundry to be done. I'll avoid all of that for now and see if I can just get this out. I need to get these "words" out of my head and my heart! Maybe that will make me feel better.

I was typing out my prayers a few minutes ago, seeking purpose, and all that came to me was to write and to do it now, which is why I am here. I recently had a friend tell me that I should write every day. I'm pretty sure I don't have that much to say but we shall see...

The subject for today is "words". This topic hit me recently when I was finishing a limited series on Netflix. The main character was a writer and at the end of the series she read a piece of writing that was so incredibly powerful. In that moment, all I could think was how can someone string together various words and have them hit an unsuspecting target so emotionally deep. It's amazing to me how words can do that! Individually maybe not so much but perfectly arranged they can be so moving.

I'm in awe of the power of words in manuscripts, in movies, in novels. Words can move you deeply, they can inspire you, they can encourage you.

I'm equally appalled at the opposing power of words, words that often leave my mouth. That's where I think I am going with this...the power of our words, specifically, my words.

I always get a little nervous when someone begins a sentence with, "I remember you said once..." I think to myself, why in the world would you listen to me? I'm just over here talking! My dad reminds me often of something I said to him when I was in my 20's and he took it to the bank. Like, why would you even listen to me!!

I've been known to say things meant as humor that don't land as funny at all. In my head it always sounds better than when I hear it come out of my mouth. Does this happen to anyone else?

I also sometimes say things with harshness when I never meant to be harsh at all. I think this happens because the feelings in my heart are very intense and extremely passionate which then spills out of my mouth. My kids always tell me I need to work on my delivery.

My oldest daughter gave me a startling example of this at a recent holiday gathering. She reminded me of something I said to her when she was much, much younger that really hurt her. It hurt her so deeply, she was surprised by the emotion that bubbled to the surface as she shared with me what I had said. I had no recollection of saying this to her. How is that possible? I said something that cut her to her core and I don't even remember it!

That is my point to this. Our words are so powerful. We say things and sometimes have no idea of the impact. She likely replayed my harsh words to her many times over the past few years and I had zero recollection that I had even said them. How often does this happen in our relationships with others?

There was no response I could give her that could erase the words I had said. All I could share was that I was deeply sorry. I am still deeply sorry that I so carelessly spewed words that landed so harshly on my precious child. I think she is absolutely amazing and I have shared that sentiment with her often but my harsh comment could easily erase all of the positive comments I've expressed to her. Luckily, she forgave me and we have moved on but there are lessons to be learned from this.

In my current season, I am working on softening. This softening needs to take place in my heart. It's true what is said, out of the heart, the mouth speaks. The season that I spoke harshly to my daughter was a very challenging one. I'm certain my heart was not in a great place; it's not an excuse, just a fact.

I'm praying that God will soften my edges, soften my delivery, soften my heart. Over the years, I've built up so many walls around my heart, trying to avoid being hurt, that I've lost my tenderness and my compassion. The words that come to me to describe what I'm going through is spiritual growth. When I looked up these words, the Google AI overview nailed it. "Aligning your life with greater purpose, meaning, and values like compassion, self-awareness, and unity with others."

I seek to be more self-aware and self-reflective. May my words create unity not division. I want my words to encourage and support others, not tear them down.

This may mean I need to keep my mouth shut; I may just have to be quiet. A quip remark is not always needed or appreciated. Although, in my head it sounds really funny!

I don't know if this resonates with anyone else. This has been a topic that has been swimming in my head for a week or so. As I have said before, when a thought or topic doesn't leave my mind, I have to get it out! So there you have it!

The moral of the story...choose your words carefully, especially to your kids! They remember them even when you don't. And if I'm suddenly really quiet...I probably don't have anything nice to say! (wink, wink)

"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." -Luke 6:45

Until next time...